Metrosexual Tendencies

by Josiah Pohl

My ~journey~

Enjoying fashion as a man is a tricky thing. In the current year it is okay(?) for a young man to tirelessly labor over a finely tuned visual appearance. Just 10 years ago, when I was a young teenager, if anyone thought you cared too much about how you looked they would call you a fag. And you would probably feel like a fag because deep down you knew you weren’t supposed to care about such things.

My oldest sister is 7 years older than me, born in 1989. This means I was exposed to many of the trends of the 2000’s when she was in high school. I spent most of my late elementary school and early middle school trying my best to look like the pretty boys in Laguna Beach. Needless to say it was a rough time to be impressionable.

Not long after, I was trying my hand at looking like the understudy for an American Pie cast member, and Brother began to catch onto my growing collection of aeropostale attire. They had a field day. I imagine being gay is worse, but being straight with feminine sensibilities is no walk in the park either. (I imagine these days being straight with only masculine interests is even harder. Do guys that have no eye for aesthetics, therefore shitty branding on their social media and their dating app profiles, even get pussy these days?)

Though it hurt back then to have a budding interest be squashed by everyone around, it drilled in one of the most important rules about fashion for every man. Don’t go too far out of your lane. If you are some dupey 13 year old kid, you shouldn’t have the vicious brand loyalty of a tasteless highschooler. And even though you may be able to put together carefully crafted, exotic color palettes, it will be extremely rare that you can actually execute that look with any of the desired effect. Hot girls can get away with flashy outfits. A 30 year old man, even if he has a one in a million talent for combining disparate textures, will look like an idiot if he strays too far out of the 30 year old man uniform.¹

As somewhat of a direct response to this bullying I embraced a form of anti-fashion that I also think is essential for the men. I would only wear the very thick and shapeless clothes I got from the thrift store, hand me downs from my brother or the extremely tattered metal band zip up hoodie that rarely left my body. This may have been the most respectable era of my interest in fashion. It satisfied all of my fashion values of simplicity, practicality, and interest signaling. But girls hated it.

I clearly remember a female friend of mine floating the idea of buying clothes for me. She tried her best to be nice about it and she was a good friend for letting me know. Even though I was satisfied with what I was wearing, the people around me weren’t. To them I just looked like a poor kid and they responded as such.

I had to go back to the drawing board. I now had to incorporate the desire I had for the clothes I was wearing (and the aesthetics of the life I was leading) in a way that would also allow me to prosper in a world of normies and women. A true challenge that keeps me busy still today.

Making things perfectly clear

Fashion is used for social signaling. Clothing is as old as culture itself (even Adam and Eve made garments out of fig leaves). Regardless of your intentions, you are broadcasting to society your role within it and certain beliefs you have. You are associating yourself with people who wear similar clothes to you, and you are showing yourself as a representative of those same groups. Your visual appearance is the first thing people get to know about you and you communicate that with what you are wearing. Rarely does someone's visual appearance deviate much from who they are. There is no opting out of fashion. You are what you wear. What you wear is who you are.

For the fashion victims

There are virtually zero resources for fashion advice for dudes that aren’t trying to get you to buy something or dominated by gays and girly boys. So whether you are a fashion retard or just looking for an honest perspective from a straight dude about the uniform you put on every day, prepare for opinions.

If you want specific recommendations for starting from scratch here is what I would give you:

Starting From Scratch

Tops:

• Flannel (solid, maroon/forrest green, uniqlo)

• Oxford dress shirt (white, uniqlo)

• T-shirt (solid, maroon/forrest green, hanes beefy T)

• Sweatshirt (gray/ash, champion)

Outerwear:

• Black Dickies Eisenhower Jacket

• Black wool overcoat

Bottoms:

• Black pants (dickies)

• Black jeans (levi’s)

• Blue jeans (levi’s)²

• Black shorts (end right above the knee)

Shoes:

• Doc martens 1460 (black)³

• all black converse (chucks low or high) or

• black or black and white vans (eras, slip-ons, authentics) or

• black and white, gum sole adidas sambas or

• all black or black and white nike janowskis ⁴

Extras:

• black boxer briefs

• Thermals to wear under all this when it is cold (32degrees)

• black leather belt with metal buckle nothing fancy

• black half-calf socks (always worn with pants)

• no show socks for summer with shorts

• This watch if you are over 25 (with a black leather strap)

With this wardrobe you should be covered for most occasions that come up in normal life. Special occasions will take some extra care, but this will be pretty universal.

You will probably not feel like yourself wearing clothes that someone else has told you to wear. But being yourself got you looking like an idiot so maybe that isn’t something that is very important right now. If you are taking my advice you are probably desperate enough to do so for good reasons. Give it (a lot of) time and you will get better at choosing things you like more without looking ridiculous. You will notice which outfits people respond to the best and be able to use that as a guiding light.

Fit of clothes is everything, and sizing varies across manufactures wildly. You w ill need to shop around for brands that fit you the best. Try things on in stores and don’t let retailers talk you into buying something without knowing it is the best fitting thing you can get your hands on. Once you find a brand that fits you, abuse it for the basics. You can branch out when you have everything you need. (worth noting that brands update the fit of their clothes over time as well, so old clothes of the same brand may not fit the same. this is important for shopping resale)

Fit of pants specifically is something that has driven me crazy for years. You basically want the pants to fit as sung as they can while not restricting movement or being uncomfortable. Stretchy pants can be nice and comfy, but they fall apart quickly. For jeans try to stick to something that is at least 90% cotton.

Colors are for people that understand them. If you are especially slow in the area of fashion, one path forward is to wear all black all the time. That could be your thing and you would probably look better than you do now. And even if you are good with colors, it is a good idea to have one of every piece of clothing in black. It will probably get more use than the color version of that same piece.

If you have to mess around with colors, don’t overdo it. One colored item in your sea of black will probably get the job done. Avoid easter colors, Avoid navy, and stick to darker shades of things.

Colored pants are for gays, libs, and black people (who have totally different rules for fashion). Acceptable pants colors are black, gray, and blue (denim only). Interesting patterned pants in obscure fabrics are for E-boys, who are one, if not all, of the categories listed previously.

There is nothing admirable about a wardrobe put together with full priced items. Refusing to over pay for clothes is one of the best things for creating one of a kind wardrobe. All rich liberal men look good, but that is because they pay 50 bucks for t-shirts and god knows how much for everything else.

Resale is your friend. Sites like Poshmark, Depop and even ebay are good for getting good deals. You can always try searching for something you found new on those sites to see if you can get it used for much less. I would never buy a coat brand new. Anything that is built to last can probably be bought on one of those sites. These options along with thrift stores are a great way to give your wardrobe some spice. Once again, not for the fashion rookies, 99.9% of what is in thrift stores will not look good on you.

If you have more questions look at these two wiki’s 1, 2. They have their strengths and weaknesses so don’t take anything too seriously.

Let me promise you that investing in this knowledge is worthwhile. I mentioned this in passing earlier, but building a cohesive visual aesthetic is more important than ever, and can be the make or break event for many dudes. I have benefitted endlessly from cultivating a personal “style”. It has been a key part in landing any of the girls I have dated and has spun me as cooler than I am to many of my best friends. If you look cool, people like spending time around you more. It makes them look cool too.

How I’m feeling now

Forever difficult will be dressing age appropriate, and remaining creative and interesting. For me this has been buying select used pieces that have a build quality that is foreign to today's apparel. It also means grabbing brands that died in the 80s, that were made for men that loved fashion, but wouldn’t wear feminine garments. Brands like Bugel Boy, Hunting Horn, and Ben Sherman were catering to dudes like me back when not looking gay was the first priority of their designs.

But to be truthful, an interest in fashion as an aging dude is pretty dead end. I would recommend getting the 80% of the benefit from 20% of the effort and leaving it behind for something more worth your time. Fashion necessarily gives way to vanity and vanity is a bad look for a man. There are good reasons why this interest is discouraged by society at large.

The best use of this knowledge is passing it on to dudes that desperately need it. I have been the Ryan Gosling to many Steve Carrells (from best in class rom-com crazy stupid love) in my time and it is way better than buying chineze fakes of Supreme.

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If you have any questions or would like my advice about something, you can reach me at: josiah@nixmail.dev